HELP WANTED

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:

HELP WANTED: Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

A short time afterwards, a Westie trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the Westie and was surprised, to say the least. However, the Westie looked determined, so he led him into the office.

Inside, the Westie jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The Westie jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the Westie, "the sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The Westie jumped down again and went to the computer. The Westie proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the Westie and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent Westie and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job." The Westie jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."

The Westie looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow."

Westie Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's still mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Dog Dictionary

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

BICYCLES: Two wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get the maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes; you prance away.

DOG BED: Any soft clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly-upholstered living room sofa.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have good food and you don't. To do this properly, you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do this right, you are rewarded with margerine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their persons want them to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him or her to go.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear and inhale deply. Repeat several times, until your person makes you stop.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating or drinking, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa in order to wipe off any remaining particles of food or water.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, wild roling of the eyes, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

Westieholics Anonymous

Good Evening. My name is Joe and I AM a Westieholic.

I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of Westieholics Anonymous. Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you here. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and that you really don't need any help. It is not easy to admit that you are a westieholic, and it is even harder to bring yourself to a WA meeting for help. WA is here to assist you.

I have some questions to ask. If you can answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place.

Can you say "Bitch" in public without blushing?

Do you drive a station wagon, van, or 4x4 when everyone else drives a real car?

Do you have more than one car? One for you and one for the dogs?

Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to shows, specialties, and seminars when everyone else goes on a cruise?

If you do go overseas, is it to London in March to attend Crufts?

Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?

Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and freshly washed tennis shoes?

Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele?

Was your furniture and carpeting chosen to match your dogs?

Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?

Do you know the meaning of CD, CDX, UD, CGC, HIC, WC, JH, MH, CH, and OTCH?

Is your mail made up primarily of dog catalogs, dog magazines and premium lists?

Do you get up before dawn to go to Training Classes? Dog Shows? Seminars?

If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets?

Do those pockets often contain freeze dried liver, Rollover, or squeaky toys?

When you meet a new person do you always ask them if they have one or more Westies and pity them if they don't?

Do you remember the name of their Westie sooner than you remember their name?

Do you find non-Westie people boring?

If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope. If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble. If you answered YES to three or more, you have come to the right place.

My advice to all of you with three or more YES's is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and good Westies, and it will never be boring.

Top 10 reasons why my Westie won't use a computer